Vegas. Sin City. The Big Apple. Whatever you call it, know that you must be prepared when planning your trip. USA Today already told you about some essentials you have to bring, but you don’t want your luggage (USA Today’s #4 essential item) to get too cluttered. Well, have no fear, for I will now detail items you should NOT bring on your trip to “America’s Monkeybars”:
1. Underwear
If you’re anything like me, choosing your underwear each morning is the most time consuming aspect of your day. Boxers, briefs, banana hammocks- the choices are endless. Not to mention that when you choose a style, you then have to pick a pattern. Leopard or cheetah prints are my typical go-to for the weekend. Any large cat will do, actually. But you may only be in Vegas for a quick weekend. Do you really want to spend what I’m assuming is a typical 1-2 hours a day painstakingly trying on different undergarments? NO! So, leave them at home. You’ve just freed up hours out of your day, as well as freed…um, you get it.
2. Money
Did you know you get free drinks while gambling in Las Vegas? Also, if you gamble enough, you can score free meals, show tickets, and even hotel rooms. The problem is that you actually have to be gambling to earn these great comps. But do you really need money to sit down and gamble? NO! Simply find a blackjack table and grab a handful of chips from the dealer station. IMPORTANT: it has to be $499 or less for tax purposes. There may be a slight brouhaha from the dealer and pit boss, but this is common. As long as you say, “I’m good for it”, you should be ok. Best of luck at the tables!
4. Bedding
One of the worst things to pack whenever I go on vacation is my comforter and pillow. Not to mention the baggage fees and backaches I have to suffer through lugging that stuff around. Vegas, however, is home to some of the finest resorts in the world and the amenities are out of this world. I know, you’re probably thinking that given the number of rooms, you’d still have to bring your own furnishings for there is no way they can supply them for every customer. NO! Most resorts not only supply mattresses and bed frames, but they also provide linens and pillows! Unfortunately, these new resort features come at a price. Most Vegas hotels now charge what they are calling “resort fees”. We all know their true moniker though, “pillow fees”.
5. Watch/Phone
It’s a well documented fact* that casinos want to make sure you’re as responsible as possible. You might be thinking, but isn’t it true that there are no clocks or windows in most casinos? NO! That’s one of the biggest myths about Las Vegas. Clocks are everywhere, even on most slot machines. Casinos know that you have places to be and don’t want you wasting your hours and hard earned money on low-cost high-margin image boxes with limited interaction that essentially function as cash depositories. Most slots and tables are outfitted with clocks and specialized timers to let individual players know when they may have been playing too long. Also, the “pillow fees” I mentioned earlier include free local calls! So, leave your fancy gadgets at home!
6. Dignity
People don’t call Las Vegas “The Windy City” for no reason. It’s because people get so drunk that when they walk it looks like they’re being blown over by the wind. I know you’re going to ask, shouldn’t we respect that many people call Clark Griswold County home? NO! Sure, people live and work there, but the locals get it. In fact, most locals frequently visit the strip to join in the merriment. You should remember my motto: if you know where you are, you haven’t partied hard enough. So, round up your bros, grab a yard drink or four, throw common decency to the wind, and make Vegas your private playground!
*find source for this
